In One Month Today...

We will be leaving the UK and moving abroad to start a new life in Hubby's Homeland. One month! I'm anxious, I'm scared... if I'm honest I don't really want to go, but I'm an adult and I'm about to be a parent. I have to get used to doing things I don't want to do.

Anyway, ignore me. I'm sure things will work out well in the end.

I've been back in the UK for 4 days already, but only just had an opportunity to update you all. The trip to Hubby's Homeland went well. We didn't manage to sort out all we had hoped, but we got the basics sorted.

First of all, it was great to see the in-laws. We hadn't seen them since the wedding in July, so we had a lot to catch up on, and I had a belly to show them. Hubby's Homeland is a place where everyone knows everyone, and good news travels fast, so it seems that wherever we went, someone was congratulating us.

The situation with the house is still not settled, but I don't think it will be for a while. We've probably got a temporary base in the one-bed flat, but it's so tiny it really isn't practical for 2 people with a baby. I think I measured the bedroom at 3m x 3.5m; it will fit a double bed if you have nothing else in the room. For that reason, we would need to swap the bedroom over with the lounge, which is slightly bigger, so we could get the cot into the room, and have a really small lounge. It will be okay for a few months, but certainly nothing long-term.

After that, we have the possiblity of Hubby's grandmother's house, which is a 2 bedroom flat near the town centre; but she would be living there too. That's not such a big problem until the baby needs its own room. Oh, and she doesn't speak English. And I only speak English.

Cue major awkwardness.

That's the only thing I'm worried about, but I know that it's the most likely eventuality, so I need to get used to the idea. Trouble is, while we would be buying the house from her, and paying the mortgage, I would feel like it wasn't our place, and would feel like I feel when I live with the in-laws - like I can't be myself. It's not ideal in that respect, so I'm not totally happy, but it's a house, and it's the baby that matters.

Hubby's Homeland is also a very hard place to get a house, so I am grateful we've been offered something. We know a couple who applied for housing when they got engaged. They've had 2 weddings, a long TTC journey, and their baby is now 5 months old, and they are still waiting for a house of their own. So I can't complain.

I've asked Hubby if we can stay in the tiny flat for at least a month after the baby's born. While it will be tight, I think it's important that we have time together as a family unit, without other relatives around. I know Hubby's grandmother would be really helpful to have around, but in the first month I will probably be going out of my mind with stress and exhaustion, so it's the worst time to have people around that you can't say goodbye to at the end of the day.

If we have a month alone with the baby, we can at least get to grips with being parents before thinking about living with someone else. I don't want her to have to walk around on eggshells for fear of upsetting me, and most of all, I don't want to unleash my hormones on her when she's only trying to help. I don't know if I'm explaining myself properly...

Hubby's heard of a few job opportunities. The one he's holding out for still haven't got around to releasing their applications yet, so he can't apply until February. We don't like that it's so uncertain, but it's a good opportunity, and because of Hubby's experience, he's very employable, so I'm sure he'll find something. The recession hasn't affected Hubby's Homeland, so there are no job shortages there, which makes things that little bit easier.

Hubby's mum took me to see her old colleagues in the maternity department of the hospital, and arranged for me to have a look around the ward etc. She also got me in with the community midwife who took a look at my notes and took my blood so she can get me processed before we move back over in February. I'm glad we went over this week, because when we go back in February, I will be thrown straight into appointments and checkups, so I won't miss out on anything.

They've already booked me in with a specialist to discuss the heart condition my grandmother has, which they ignored in England. I'm glad they're looking into it. They've also booked me in for what they call "parent craft", which I think is where they coach you through the labour process. I also have a dentist appointment booked (which I'm not especially excited about) and my 4D scan booked for the first week in April! I can't wait for that one!

On the return flight I got fantastic treatment! The lady at the check-in desk noticed I was pregnant and gave us priority boarding, which meant we got to sit right at the front with extra legroom. And we had great luck with our luggage; the second we got to the luggage belt, our bags were there for the taking. And they say Easyjet is crap; I beg to differ!

And on the baby front, it's spent the week kicking up a storm, but now I'm back at work I'm hardly feeling anything. It's moved now though, because up until 24 weeks, I only ever felt kicks up to the level of my belly button, but now I feel them just under my ribs. It's moved so much in a week, and the kicks are harder now.

I had my first bout of heartburn on Monday. This is going to be too much information, but throughout my life I've had those moments when you have a little sick come up, but then you have a swig of a drink, and it's gone. I thought that was heartburn.

Nope; heartburn is worse.


I went to see the midwife for my 25 week appointment yesterday, and she seems happy with how everything's going. She advised me to start counting the baby's movements, and if I have below 10 per day, I should get it checked out. She also advised me to take off my rings in the next few weeks. I was deliberating yesterday, and I've taken them off for good now. My jewellery isn't insured, and there's no way I'm having them cut off me!

Family Matters

I find myself wondering what things will be like when Hubby and I move in February. I know many good things will come from it, but I also fear bad things will come.

Our family, like many others, has its problems. They may not be as big as others, but they affect the dynamics and happiness of those I love. Often, I feel like my only role within the family is the negotiator. People turn to me to help sort out misunderstandings.

Am I happy about that? Not really, but you get what you're given.

My mother has fought for almost thirty years to ensure a good life for her children, but my brother doesn't always act the way most sons do. There is a reason for this, which I won't go into, but let's just say; they are both right - to a point.

I'm not saying he's a bad person; on the contrary. He's a kind, genuine and loving person, but sometimes he doesn't stop to listen, or try to understand what people are telling him. Sometimes my mother can't explain herself properly, and therefore can't get her point across. Sometimes she is confused for overreacting when in fact I think she's just misunderstood.

In short, their characters clash. They always have done, and I believe they always will. It's caused many problems over the last 20 years, and I often wonder if either of them are learning anything from this.

I'm happy to help, but sometimes I dread answering the phone, because I know it's going to create stress that I don't need. At the same time, this is my family, and I love them unconditionally, so of course I'm going to do everything in my power to help them. I just wish they could work out how to deal with each other.

Hubby is the only person who knows how this effects me, because I can't talk to them about it. Without me, I wonder if things would ever sort themselves out. And if I move away, I can't be here to help them. I worry what will happen in the future, even though I shouldn't have to worry. I worry that when I go, they won't be able to find a middle ground, and there will be nobody to help them find it. They will argue, and I see them drifting apart. I won't be able to see them as much as I'd like, but they will be able to see one another, but may choose not to.

To me, family is the most important thing in this world. Your parents, siblings, partners and children are to be treasured. They may not be perfect, but they are a part of you, and you should accept them for who they are, and work with it. You shouldn't try to change them - they are who they are because of their imperfections.

I can't do much from 2000 miles away, and I feel guilty for moving, but this is my time, and I need to give my child the best upbringing I can possibly give.

Sometimes I just wish I could live my life without worrying what will happen to those I love.

It's Confession Time

There's a couple of things I need to say before I go any further. I caved... twice.

My new best friend is Pepsi Raw. I love her slender figure, her bubbly nature, her sweet kick, and her ability to keep me up all night. Pepsi Raw is not only tasty, it's got caffeine, and it's packed full of sugar - you can't very well have a natural drink, and expect them to have it in a diet form.

This doesn't bode well for either my diet, or my intention to kick the caffeine. Ugh, never mind. I'm drinking the final bottle of my 4-pack, and it's back to caffeine free Diet Coke tomorrow. It was good while it lasted.

But my second confession is a little more embarrassing. I got carried away when I promised myself I wouldn't do. I bought my second pregnancy book; before I'm even pregnant.


In fairness, I think you should know that I bought my first one when I was 2 weeks late a few months ago. I bought it because I had a feeling I was pregnant, so figured I would act pregnant until I found out otherwise. But in order to act pregnant, I had to research what that meant.

But this book is amazing. I love it already. It goes through your pregnancy from day 1 right through to after the delivery. It details what is happening in your body each day of your pregnancy, with full colour pictures and the odd fact thrown in.


And my reason for buying it? Well, I figured that you only find out you're pregnant when you're four weeks gone, and by that point I will have missed out on the first month. So I thought I would buy the book and get all spiffed up on the first month. That way, when the day comes and I do find out I'm pregnant; I know where I'm at and what's been going on in my body.

Work has flown by this week, but I'm still glad it's Friday. I love Friday even more than I love Pepsi Raw. I had a pretty crappy day yesterday, when I seriously reconsidered whether I should stay at my current job, or just walk out there and then. It was rough.

Of course I didn't walk out; I have rent to pay, and we have no savings to live on, so the reality is that we couldn't last a month without two incomes. That's the reason I've stuck with my job throughout this recession. It's safe, and I'm not about to be made redundant. So when I have trouble at work, I'm annoyed to say the least, because it's not like I can leave for something better.

I apologise in advance if you're reading this and you are unemployed. Of course I value my job; I would be stupid not to. I have a good contract and aside from the lousy pay, I have a good deal. It's better than nothing, but I'm a firm believer of people just getting on with one another wherever possible.

Nevertheless, I didn't walk out. I didn't even rise to the bait. I was civil, and I did my work; leaving at the end of the day; knowing that I had been the bigger person.

Of course, being the bigger person doesn't mean that it's any less tense on Friday morning. Roll on 5pm, because you won't see me for dust!